July 15, 2015
We leave the house. I only had 30 minutes of sleep because I was up packing. My parents had a short nap. They insisted that they drop me off at the airport even though my flight was at the crack of dawn. I felt a bit guilty but also a bit relieved. Why I chose this flight? I’m not too sure.
We arrive at Newark airport. So early that all of the counters are ghost town empty. The sign says they open at 3:30 AM but to my surprise they start to check people in shortly after 3 AM. I get all checked in in no time at all. The habit of always being early comes from my parents. Thankful for this tendency.
In line with my family again, this time to check in and enter the terminal.
“….and make sure you are always alert and don’t look so lost/confused all the time.”
I know she’s worried and I know she says that with love.
“Mom you know that you can call me whenever you want, right?”
I embrace her and no further words need to be said.
The line starts to move earlier than expected. I’m surprised because it’s still not 3:30.
I give them a quick hug each to keep up with the movement of the queue. There’s a lot of people both in front and behind me. My dad’s hug is especially tight. My sister is the last one to say bye. “I’ll come and visit in the winter” she says half asleep.
Suddenly my thoughts fast forward to a sunny California scene where my sister and I, arms linked with our sunglasses on, are on a hike and food adventure together. A surge of motivation rushes through me. “I’ve got to be settled down by then so she can visit,” I think to myself.
“Bye sissy” I say. I can’t remember if I kissed her goodbye. My body is so tired even as I write this.
“Please have your boarding pass and ID ready” the attendant says, pretty loudly for the fact that it’s 3 in the morning.
This is really happening.
As I approach the front of the line I look back at my parents and try to get their attention. I wave goodbye when I do. My throat suddenly feels a bit tight. I feel like I’m in elementary school again waving bye as I board the yellow school bus, except I’m much older now and I won’t be back at the end of the day.
Holy shit this is happening. One way ticket in hand.
I’ve gone through security. I’m writing this as I wait for time to pass. Boarding time is in 15 minutes or so. Even though I should be dead tired right now, thoughts run like electricity through my mind.
This decision to go west has been nothing short of crazy to my family- in fact I am very much on my own- yet for the past few days, they’ve nursed me back to health with home cooked meals and unconditional love. They’ve gone with me to multiple doctors’ appointments in the past few days. They’ve helped me pack (my mommy is especially good at it) and today they woke up only after a naps worth of sleep to drive me to the place that will take me far away from them. Yet again they’re letting me make my own mistakes, my own discoveries and are letting me pursue my dreams/goals as far fetched as they sound. They don’t know how thankful and lucky I feel. I wouldn’t be able to express it in words so instead I’ll have to go kill it in LA and show them that this decision was a good one. And when it gets difficult (and it will) I will remember what my dad said to me last week.
“Don’t be discouraged. Everything will be ok. You are strong and brave. I always have confidence in you. I love you.”
So off I go. Take two of this LA adventure. More unknowns than guarantees ahead. The only thing I know is that my desire to succeed is stronger and greater than my fears.
Here we go.
Love and good vibes~
*P.S: I’m trying this thing where I am blogging directly through the WordPress app on my phone. The formatting and grammar won’t be perfect (the photos might even be crappy) but bear with me, as this makes me more vulnerable than ever before. I also no longer have any excuse not to blog.
Tag along for the ride. Follow me on Instagram or subscribe to the right to get emails. It’s going to be a helluva adventure.