We’ve all heard/read/been in some unfortunate and downright offensive situations that happen in modern dating (I mean Tinder Nightmares exist!), but very rarely do you hear or see of the text message exchanges that are just wow and life changing in a good way.
After seeing a lot of articles floating around on the internet talking about some disheartening online dating encounters, I wanted to share some of the exchanges I had with my current rare specimen when we were still getting to know each other in the first month or two, and how it evolved into a safe space for us to share our thoughts/feelings. We met in person, at a mixer and when we exchanged numbers I actually thought I’d never talk to him again but he has surprised me again and again by his warmth, candor and thoughtfulness ever since.
Here are the green flags (opposite of red flags) I saw and the moments I really knew this one was a good egg/a keeper/a rare specimen. Most importantly, these text conversations are only a preview of the kinds of conversations we had/have in person. He says and acts the same way he does in text, in real life. There’s nothing worse than someone who can say all the right things but not follow through in person, amiright?
Let’s start with how it all began on text.
(Sorry it’s confusing, in this one he’s the blue).
These were the first few texts we ever sent each other. I’m not a huge fan of drinking for no reason so I told him if we’re going to meet up, it has to involve food and good conversation otherwise I’m not into it. Instead of delaying scheduling and being like “wtf” he accepted the challenge. He also took the fact that I told him he looks like Tom Hiddleston as a compliment and went with it. (It is a huge compliment after all).
The Green Flags I spotted (not in chronological order):
1. Always be honest.
He recognizes a good thing when he sees it. He knows that learning is a good thing, he knows a positive influence when he feels it, he isn’t scared to pursue it and go after it. He isn’t afraid to be straightforward in a sweet and gentlemanly way.
2. Keep your word.
He wrote this text too. It was very clear in the beginning that even though it was very new and we hadn’t known each other for very long, he maintains a level of integrity in his communication. He also gives credit when its due and has no problem acknowledging his feelings which takes a certain emotional intelligence. By being open, he allows me to be open. By expressing his deepest emotions, he allows me to express my deepest emotions. We both have become fearless in what we think/want to say to each other. He says what he means and means what he says.
3. Match her effort.
He’s the blue again here. We both acknowledged how much we hit it off and how honest we were with each other the day after we went on our first date. We both realized how rare and refreshing that was. I’m very straightforward and curious, but he welcomed every question I asked with an open mind and equal the amount of honesty, even when they were difficult and potentially awkward questions. That really helped to bring the walls down and allowed for the conversation to go deeper and deeper. He wasn’t afraid to ask questions and be vulnerable. When someone is willing to meet me halfway by being open and vulnerable, I respect and admire that a lot.
4. Respect her hustle. Support her ambition
He made it easy to picture growing as a couple, learning about each other and never giving up on another. He doesn’t think my dreams are crazy and he’s down to keep up with some of the goals I set for myself.
5. Accept her challenges and challenge her for the better.
There are things that are very natural in his life that he has introduced to me, and vice versa. We challenge each other to try new things and embrace challenges by supporting each other. Trying new things is an adventure and learning experience we want to go through and share together.
6. Protect her heart.
I’m the blue here ^. With others before him, many of the times I felt crazy or weird for saying certain things and being myself. My rare specimen embraced and actually welcomed it. He makes me happy to be different. That makes it easier to fall in love- just being yourself and letting things happen naturally.
In a fast paced world that is all about instant gratification, immediate reactions…. He is patient with me, always.
7. Value her loyalty. Appreciate who she is in your life.
The right person will like everything about you that the wrong people took for granted. I may have been too emotional, “too much to handle” for people in the past, but he reciprocates and shows his appreciation. He always makes the time to make me feel like I’m being taken care of no matter how busy he is during the day and everyday life. He never takes good things in life for granted. Always #grateful.
8. Uplift her spirit
In moments when I admitted feelings of defeat, he is still encouraging and empathizes with me. He didn’t brush my thoughts off because he was too busy. He listens and pays attention. He reassures me when I’m feeling insecure and comforts me after a bad day.
9. Respect her time and her boundaries
I’m the blue in this one ^. I caught myself saying some things that was my defense mechanism/ pushing him away towards the beginning and told him I was doing that. Instead of being defensive he gave me the space and time to process my thoughts. Even though he might not 100% understand my feelings because he’s not me, he respects that I feel that way and didn’t defensively push me back or sling hurtful words out of pride. I did it again (pushed him away) later on and he responded very maturely again at another instance…..
10. Stay consistent.
He genuinely respects people. He respects women and it shows through how he speaks and acts with consideration and manners.
People make time for what they value in life. If I kept getting excuses or got ignored,I wouldn’t feel valued and would let it go. He treats me right all the time, not when it’s just convenient/easier for him.
11. Love her unconditionally
When I’m mushy gushy, he isn’t afraid to wear his heart on my sleeve. He gives me a soul kiss right back, through the serious, through the lighthearted, through the ups and downs.
He’s even able to be cheesy/corny with me and not be ashamed of it. His sense of humor makes him approachable and warm, not to mention adorable and endearing. It’s not all serious stuff with us 🙂
There are certain things I look for when I’m considering befriending someone, let alone dating someone, and the above texts show how he was able to win me over and claim a space in my life. These screenshots are just a glimpse of the moments when I realized he was special/different and that I really liked him. #modernlovestory
When you’re able to say that you can be the kind of person who can do all of the above things, with someone who can do that for/with you, you’ll be in one hell of a relationship, in the best way possible.
Something to think about (STTA)