I was looking through my photos and scrolling through my instagram when I realized I hardly recognize who I was a month ago, let alone a year ago. Have you ever looked at a photo of yourself and thought:”wow I feel like a completely different person now. That feels like ages ago?” That’s how I have felt this entire year after every challenge (which was basically every week). Even though I may not show any physical changes and I look the same, I feel different. I’m stronger, smarter and happier in a completely different way than before, but only after a tumultuous year… and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s hard to believe that yet another year has come and gone. I learned so so so much in 2014. Looking back, it was a good year. Good in the sense that a lot changed and I am better than how I was before, but let’s be clear, it certainly was not easy or “good” while it was happening. In fact a lot of it sucked and hurt “during.”
For me, 2014 was a year of detoxification. Letting go of people who drained me. Leaving situations/jobs/relationships that made me feel small. Getting rid of the unnecessary clutter and sorting through the noise. Doing the harder things. After a year of simplifying my life and filtering through the junk, my life now for the most part, is driven by the “because i want to’s” more than it is by the “because I shoulds.”
It’s been difficult, because it has required me to be brutally honest with myself and trust in who I am and what I believe in, both of which are not something tangible and visible. This past year has been filled with letdowns and harsh realizations. Each challenge, difficult conversation, terrifying surprise and unfortunate mistake has been an opportunity to see and realize what/who is real, what is fake and more importantly what really matters. As disappointing and hurtful it has been at times, I’m thankful for all the people who have come and gone through my life (each with their lessons) and even more grateful for the people who have grown with me and been there through it all.
In other words, this past year I’ve been working on my emotional fitness: exercising my muscles of courage, love and hope by feeling the fear and doing it anyway, standing/speaking up for what feels right, accepting pain and hurt (and getting back up), mastering the art of being alone but not lonely, and learning to trust myself more.
This all might sound vague, but I have a feeling that you’ve gone through something similar. If it wasn’t obvious with all of the updates of people quitting the jobs they felt chained to, moves to new cities, adventurous trips and life changing events, I can feel it in the air. Things are different. We’re all seeking better things and finding the courage to begin again in whatever ways feel natural and necessary to us. We’re realizing that the best things are on the other side of our comfort zones and egos. We are recognizing when things “are not ok” and instead of holding onto comfort, and letting the fear control us, we are doing something to improve the situation. We are learning to keep only the people who truly love us, motivate us, encourage us, enhance us and make us happy in our lives. (Note: If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.)
Although the new year’s festivities have passed, I don’t intend to let the momentum of a new year fade away. I don’t know about you but I have a renewed focus and clarity.
2014 was a year of emotional struggle- feeling, questioning, investigating and letting go. 2015 will be the year of embracing all of the past experiences and manifesting the change and lessons. It’s the year of creating, saying and doing. Every damn day. No living just for the weekends. Make the best of every day. Step by step. One after another.
2014, good bye to you.
Hello 2015, I’m ready for what’s in store for this year. Time to go up, over and forward. I’m excited for the new experiences, opportunities and people that are coming my way.
Cheers to wherever life takes us, and the choices we make that steer us there.
Let’s outdo ourselves.
“In a word, man must create his own essence: it is in throwing himself into the world, suffering there, struggling there, that he gradually defines himself.- Jean-Paul Sartre, Characterizations of Existentialism
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