I started off this week feeling like I had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I went into work feeling positive and excited to dive in, rather than dreading it. It’s been over a month since my break-up and today was the first time I felt emotionally free of the heavy heart that comes with a separation.
Now that I’m clear from the mind-funk I was in for awhile, I can share what sped up the mending of my heart and what helped to make it less painful. This also applies to if you’re in a rut of any sort, break-up related or not.
- Let yourself feel. We live in a culture where people deny what they feel or even worse, they allow themselves to be numb, just wanting to make it better with distractions. I’ve learned that it’s better to just soak in the emotion and face the reality of how dark and heavy it might be. Feel how shitty that is and then promise yourself that you’ll do whatever it takes to not feel like that anymore. If you’re sad? Cry. The sooner you feel all of the emotions that come with losing someone who was important in your life, the sooner you can start the process of letting go and move forward.
- Go out and do new things. Look at this transition period as the opportunity to explore. Try something novel. Eat something you’ve never eaten before. Go meet new people. Talk to people you usually wouldn’t. Get a jolt of oxytocin from other things and people from your usual to recalibrate your mind and emotions.
- Work it out. Go outside and get some sunshine and fresh air. Exercise is just as medicinal for your “broken heart” as it is for your actual heart. There were so many times that I just wanted to melt into my bed and not do anything but I forced myself to go out for a run. It’s amazing how much clarity you get from getting your blood flowing. Not to mention, endorphins are literally your body’s built-in painkillers. When in doubt, work it out.
- Rekindle your passions. Remind yourself of what you love to do with or without someone else. After my breakup, I revisited my love for cooking and nature. I’ve been cooking a lot of Korean food again which reminds me of how much love and care goes into making food. I love learning about the nuances of flavor and process. I’ve also been spending a lot time by the water, in the hills, hiking and admiring the view. Whatever you are drawn to, explore further. Do whatever it takes to get back that sparkle in your eye.
- Surround yourself with positivity. Spend time with those who feed your mind and soul. The ones who make you want to get up and do something. The ones who want to learn and listen to you. When I couldn’t or wasn’t having the conversations I wanted, I listened to inspiring podcasts that always give me a nice boost of motivation and sense of perspective. Post break-up you’re most likely a puddle of nerves and emotions. It’s important to make sure that you’re feeding on more good than bad vibes to get you back to yourself. #goodvibesonly
- Let time do its thing. Let it pass. Let it pass slowly. Take as much time as you need to be reboot and refresh yourself. For the past month or two I wasn’t really myself and felt like I was “turtling,” sinking into my shell and just retreating from the stimuli from my usual texts and interactions. I spent a lot of time by myself taking in the space and quiet necessary for me to be honest with myself and think things through. Even when it feels impossible to get through it, spend time taking care of yourself- your body, your thoughts- and let time be your friend in the healing process.
I promise, you will be back to yourself in no time. You owe it to yourself.
Thank you Eric for taking these photos of me! Wasn’t even planning to take photos when we hung out but they came out to my liking. 🙂
PS. How do you like the new site?