My ex (a rare specimen and sweet soul), texted me after us not talking to each other for awhile to check in and see how I was doing. It was because I mentioned I was forgetting to eat on my IG stories and my tummy/body wasn’t loving it. He was worried and wanted to make sure I was ok. He wanted to make sure that it wasn’t from heartbreak or sadness. I assured him I was forgetting to eat because I’ve been busy and losing track of time, which is very unlike me but did happen this week.
I told him it was really nice of him to check in and tried to end the conversation because you’re not “supposed to” be talking to each other after a break-up, but like I mentioned in my last blogpost…. there are no “shoulds.”
So we talked about it. Us. How we’re doing. And we both talked about how we’re ok. Really. Having this conversation together was very healing and nothing was left to assumption.
“It’s kind of crazy how we’ve only known each other for a little more than a year, huh? I feel like we’ve been through so much together. We’ve grown and learned so much together. When I’m 80, I will be able to look back on our time together and just be able to smile. When I think about some of the things I said or did during our relationship…. I know that I wouldn’t say or do that now, because I know better and I’m different…. I feel nothing but gratitude and just love for what we have and shared. It was just not the best timing. And that’s ok.”
This is what I told him when I saw him yesterday.
I meant it.
It’s ok to miss someone but not want them back because you know and believe it’s for the best.
The first couple of weeks of being broken up was a bit tricky because we ended on good terms and were still friends/people who care about each other. The line was a little blurry and we didn’t have the clear “break” that most couples do when they break-up. It was more of a reluctant stepping away. It was tough to navigate because it feels normal to keep talking to the person, but technically it’s not something you should be doing so that you can tell the brain that things aren’t the same anymore.
The amount of texts I get lately are significantly less. We used to talk to each other on the phone or with messages everyday, and not having that anymore is a transition in and of itself, just because of the drastic change in the amount of notifications. At times, you question if anyone is thinking about you. I can certainly say I wondered about that.
But after about a monthish since our official uncoupling….
I’m really great.
He’s really great.
Honestly, I can say it has a lot to do with meditation and the self-love I’ve discovered through that practice. What I’ve realized in the past couple of months/last year is that I’m more than ok with myself and by myself. I wasn’t relying on his love to fill me. His love only helped me to overflow with what I already had. Knowing that I have someone in this world who deeply cares about my well-being, success and happiness is a reassuring thing indeed. If during this lifetime you are ever lucky to meet and have someone who just cares, I don’t think it really matters how you met them, how long you knew them, or who they were to you… you keep them as a positive influence in your life whether you talk every couples of months or once a year. I know it’s rare for me to have such a deep connection like this and that’s what made this uncoupling that much more easier to accept. We didn’t break each other. I gave him some of my love to take with him on his way (the same way he did for me), and I have more than enough for myself for the path I am continuing on. He didn’t leave me empty or broken. My heart is intact and full. In fact it’s bursting. I’m open and ready, just not looking. We both believe that because we were able to find each other, we can find love again.
I imagine I’ll be single for the next few months just because my priorities lie in starting my business and sharing healing/mindfulness with others. I have no interest in going on dates or dating apps to fill the time. A part of my business is actually dedicated to Rare Specimen. It’s inspired by those who have inspired me and helped me to heal. You can follow along on that journey on my personal instagram here, or therarespecimen instagram.
I’m really excited to share what Rare Specimen means to me with you, the people around me and the rest of the world. It’s a term of endearment yes, but really goes beyond that. It’s representative of the powerful presence of someone who you meet and never thought would be a big part of your life … and how they end up touching your mind and soul…. and changing your life as you change and grow on your own. Rare… and so very special.
Nothing but love and gratitude.
Lately when people ask me how my day is I reply with a “realllly good thank you, how about you?” It’s not just a “I'm good” or an answer I’m giving just to say it. I’ve really been feeling good about myself and my life these days. _ I didnt always wake up like this but a little over a month ago I wrote down some morning habits I wanted to master. It was a promise to myself. The first week or two I failed to do the list of easy steps let alone to do at least one of them. Lately I’ve been doing them without fail. Even if I have to wake up that much earlier. If I miss a part of it I do it throughout the day. _ I wake up, write 3 morning pages even if I’m half asleep, meditate for at least 10 minutes minimum, read something that I want to read (not emails or something on my phone). These 3 things help me start my day grounded, calm and clear. It makes everyday feel like the best day ever and the day hasn’t even really started yet. _ If you’ve noticed that I’m super happy and excited it’s not bc I went on a date or am taking some magical pill. It’s because I do what gives me peace/makes me feel sane and start my days off that way- feeling gooood. What do you do to get grounded in the morning? What do you want to do? _ #meditationtime #feelingood #lifeisamazing #awakened #spiritual #spiritjunkie #soulonfire #soulonfleek #goodvibesonly #meditation #wellnessblogger #mentalhealth #innerpeace💫