In our daily life, we maintain different kinds of space. Calendar space, head (mental) space, physical space and even computer space…. but perhaps the most overlooked kind of space is heart space. Kind of ironic, seeing as how heart space is the one that affects us so personally and our motivation (therefore efficiency) the most.
Heart space also happens to be the kind of space people don’t know what to do with (emotions can be messy and a scary thing to many), so I wanted to explain in a way that hopefully clarifies it a bit, especially in the context of how I’m thinking about it after my amicable breakup.
Everyone has it, but not everyone fills it with the right things. A lot of people spend most of their lives filling it with pain, fear, anger, worry and/or depression, shrinking it and barely leaving it with a pulse. If you have a heart filled with dark and heavy emotions like that, you don’t really have space for anyone or anything else to enter. It’s only until you clear your heart space that your heart looks appealing and welcoming. But in this post I’m not talking about the dark and heavy hearts (maybe another time). I’m talking about the ones that are vacant and ready to be shown.
Just like an apartment goes on the market for someone new to lease, I also like to think heart space also is “for rent”. This applies to both romantic and platonic relationships.
Some apartments (hearts) are publicly listed: People go out to mingle or go on dating websites and make themselves available and accessible, making it known that they are single and/or looking to meet.
Some apartments are month to month and see multiple renters in a year: Some people are serial daters and hop around from relationship to relationship or amass plenty superficial relationships.
Some are very under the radar and only are inquired about if someone comes across it by chance: Some people date/become friends if it happens to be a good fit, but they aren’t looking for it.
Some apartments are really pricey even though their actual offering is only one of convenience not comfort or care: Some people date others or become friends with others for eye candy or materialistic reasons, spending time and money on expensive excursions and gifts, without the emotional satisfaction and fulfillment of a connection.
Some apartments are in dire need of a complete makeover and have gotten so used and worn down after different renters, taking only the lowest hanging/low maintenance renters: Some people date over and over again, putting themselves in unhealthy/toxic and uninspiring relationships, settling for much less than what they deserve instead of working on improving themselves.
Some are currently taken by someone else who pays rents on time and is planning to stay for awhile, unless they do something to offend/violate management: Some people are happy with who they are with, or are in a relationship until something comes up that shows incompatibility.
Some apartments look new and out of the price range when you’re out looking for a new place, so you don’t bother asking or looking into it: Some have a lot of heart space to offer, but the exterior looks so unapproachable and high maintenance that it naturally filters out only those who are bold or willing enough to find out more.
Some apartments have a lengthy application process, some have almost no application process: Some have heart space but not all go through the vetted application process- (the dates and getting to know one another on a deeper level), they get impatient and just go for what is available.
Some put their heart space out for rent just because they can and end up with the tenant causing damage or problems, instead of being single and waiting for a qualified tenant.
Some used to rent, but are now at a position where they are able to buy the space: Some people dated around but have found a person they want to spend the long game with.
My heart space?
I’m currently renovating and technically for rent, but really not vacant. I’m busy stripping out the carpet for wooden floors, installing new finishes and applying new paint. The apartment is going through a deep cleaning and upgrade. The last occupant (the rare specimen) lived in my heart space and ended up showing management (me) that it was severely undervalued. Instead of leaving a mess after moving out, he left it better than he found it, proving to me that even though it would take time and effort to remodel, it would be worth every bit. The heart space to rent was always in demand, but management failed to see that value and did not rent it out properly before. So my heart space is going under construction so that it can go back on the market for an even higher price to a different set of renters.
I know that was a lot of metaphors, but long story short: if you want to love deeply, build lasting relationships and experience a truly meaningful life, you need plenty of heart space. Let go of all the hurt and fill your heart with the right things, the real things, the true things. It will give you all the space you need and the right tenants will come to lease your heart space in time. Life is too short to do it any other way.
Follow me on instagram to see how I’m renovating my heart space on instagram.