I’m in the first serious, healthy relationship of my whole existence, and it’s long distance.
I never thought I’d be that person.
In fact, I used to be the kind of person who didn’t “believe” in long distance relationships. Based off of what I heard, it didn’t seem like there was enough face-time or quality time spent between the two people to make it “real.”
I could write a post on why long distance is difficult (because it has its challenges) and how that sucks, but instead I will write about why it’s worth it and why it works for me. Full disclosure: Thankfully my rare specimen and I are in the same time zone even though we’re in different cities. That in itself is a blessing.
- You have the best of both worlds: The independence to build your life as an individual with the benefits of having unconditional support. The truth is, I am first and foremost an individual. With or without him, I aim to be the best that I can be in business and life. We both strive towards our own goals and dreams in our respective cities. I get the time and space to build my own relationships, make my own decisions and have my own goals, instead of losing ourselves in each other, adopting each other’s hobbies, friends, etc. We explore interests on our own, but still grow and learn together. We have diversity in our experiences, but commonality in our values; as an individual I am a “force” but together as a pair, we are even stronger and more powerful . Instead of being .5 + .5 = 1, completing each other, we are 1+ 1= 3, bringing our complete selves and complete commitment to the relationship.
2. Good people are hard to find. Good people who understand and really “get” you are even harder to find, so when you come across them, no matter where they are in the world, you keep them and make time and space for them. Even though my rare specimen is in a different city, he is my most trusted confidante, my biggest cheerleader, favorite shoulder to lean on, my favorite body pillow, and the most incredible (and my best) friend. We can do everything and absolutely nothing together. We can be silly and laugh about ourselves but we can be life-vs-death serious too. I can tell him my biggest dreams and he won’t think I’m ridiculous or judge me. He’s the one who believes in me even when I don’t believe in myself. Most people don’t even have friends like that, let alone significant others like that. Even though he might not be here physically and I only see him once or twice a month, I consider myself lucky to have a person like him in my life. He makes me believe in people again, always pushes me to do/try harder, and makes me want to be my best self. And quite frankly, I’ve never cared about someone as much as I do him, the same way I’ve never experienced love as pure as the one he fills me with even miles away. My life would not be the same without him. This bond cannot be beat with distance, it can only be strengthened.
3. Of course I would love to see his face after a long day/week. Of course I miss not having to say anything and just being able to hold his hand, but the distance has also helped us both value and appreciate (more than ever before) the importance of face time and physical presence. Everytime we reunite, the bigger picture becomes clearer. Nothing else besides our quality time is important. It makes us face the sobering reality of what “matters” to us in life, and I always come out of our time together, inspired and refreshed (though it’s bittersweet whenever he or I leave the visit). It further reconfirms how valuable our time is and how limited our energy is within a day. It reminds us only to spend time on the people and things that are good for us. I also don’t mind the long emails and notes he sends me randomly when I’m sleeping. The kind of letters that are the equivalent of the heartfelt handwritten ones you see in The Notebook. I almost always cry when I read them and they’re a beautiful chronicle of our adventure together.
So I’ve told you how to find your soulmate, some things I’ve learned from being in a relationship with a rare specimen, and now you know why I think a long distance relationship is worth it.
A LDR is actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. The foundation of trust and respect we built in the beginning has allowed for our relationship to go on for much longer than I initially ever thought it could (because yes, even I was skeptical in the beginning).
Speaking of trust, a video he sent me in one of our very first conversations:
Can’t wait to see him this weekend.
Follow me along in my *SF adventures on instagram here!